“The fundamental problem that most patients face is the inability to love themselves.” Bernie Siegel MD
I remember reading his book Love, Medicine and Miracles back at the end of the ’80’s and it resonated so deeply with me, something shifted inside.
Women of my generation have been taught to be perfectionists
We were taught that we need to be all things to all people
We were taught that to do something for ourselves,
to think of ourself was selfish … the very worst sin you could commit it seemed
Then you had people screaming that women can have it all
You could have children, be a mother AND have a high powered job
You could do anything and everything a man could do
What happened as a result of those high expectations was a generation of women who exhausted their bodies and their spirits trying to pack in all that they thought they were supposed to do
Be the 1950’s housewife with the perfect home & perfectly behaved children
and at the same time compete with men in the corporate world.
What an unsustainable, insurmountable goal that was!
In order to attempt to juggle all those balls in the air women had to sublimate their own needs to the needs of others.
When that happens our emotions have to shout louder and louder in order to get out attention
and because there is no time or space to focus on ourselves, plus we’ve been taught that to do so is wrong
thoughts and emotions get pushed further and further down
and that’s when the physical symptoms begin
[I read that martyrs experience chronic resentment – that was so me when my children were younger!]
When you look at this very simplified explanation you can see the problems this created,
both in my generation and the generations to follow.
Each generation tries to rebalance the wrongs they felt the previous generation inflicted upon them
I see the same things manifesting in my clients,
each generation having their own set of issues
and most of them say they feel stuck.
At the crux of all of it is the need
to be seen and heard, to be validated and acknowledged
and how quick the turnaround and change begins when that happens!
Focusing on yourself is not selfish,
experiencing pleasure is not selfish,
they are both crucial for vibrant health!
