Years ago I learnt that having expectations of what people would do and how they would behave was bringing me a lot of hurt and disappointment. I use to write scenarios in my head of how something, an event or a day would go, what he would say, what she would say, what would happen and how it would all pan out.
Without sharing my script or thoughts with anyone else. And then I would come crashing down with disappointment when it didn’t go the way I had orchestrated it in my imagination. Slowly I realised that I needed to stop having these expectations and also writing the plays in my head because I would be continually let down, feel disappointed and then get angry and sulk. And the only one who this affected was me. Or the other person if you were unlucky enough to be the recipient of my pout. Expectations were my downfall, I decided. So the way to stop the hurt was to stop the expectations. Because how on earth would anyone know what was going on in my head if I didn’t tell them. Asking for what I want has always been a stumbling block for me (years of asking and not getting had taught me to shut down that aspect of me) Years passed and I didn’t think much about expectations and the plays I used to compose in my head. I stopped writing the plays. I got better at asking for what I wanted. Then today, for whatever reason, I reverted back to that old behaviour, I decided, in my head, how I wanted the day to go, I didn’t share my thoughts, needs, wants with anyone … And surprise, surprise what I wanted to happen didn’t. We go along for years smugly thinking that we have dealt with an issue and then the Universe decides that we need to learn the next layer of that particular issue and we get a whack on the backside. The message has been received loud and clear Universe. I know exactly what I need to do. Thank you 🙏 Communication is so important. How is anyone else meant to know what is going on in your head if you don’t tell them?!! Has this happened to you? Please share in the comments, so I know I’m not the only one!


More from Maiya

Maiya's Latest Musings


We hear that word bandied around but what does it actually mean? It means taking ownership of your decisions, your words, your actions, and all the consequences that come as a result. It means acknowledging the role you play in both the successes and failures

Read More »

The importance of loving yourself

“The fundamental problem that most patients face is the inability to love themselves.” Bernie Siegel MD

I remember reading his book Love, Medicine and Miracles back at the end of the ’80’s and it resonated so deeply with me, something shifted inside.

Women of my generation have been taught to be perfectionists

We were taught that we need to be all things to all people

We were taught that to do something for ourselves,

to think of ourself was selfish … the very worst sin you could commit it seemed

Then you had people screaming that women can have it all

You could have children, be a mother AND have a high powered job

You could do anything and everything a man could do

What happened as a result of those high expectations was a generation of women who exhausted their bodies and their spirits trying to pack in all that they thought they were supposed to do

Be the 1950’s housewife with the perfect home & perfectly behaved children
and at the same time compete with men in the corporate world.

What an unsustainable, insurmountable goal that was!

In order to attempt to juggle all those balls in the air women had to sublimate their own needs to the needs of others.

When that happens our emotions have to shout louder and louder in order to get out attention

and because there is no time or space to focus on ourselves, plus we’ve been taught that to do so is wrong
thoughts and emotions get pushed further and further down
and that’s when the physical symptoms begin

[I read that martyrs experience chronic resentment – that was so me when my children were younger!]

When you look at this very simplified explanation you can see the problems this created,

both in my generation and the generations to follow.

Each generation tries to rebalance the wrongs they felt the previous generation inflicted upon them

I see the same things manifesting in my clients,
each generation having their own set of issues
and most of them say they feel stuck.

At the crux of all of it is the need
to be seen and heard, to be validated and acknowledged

and how quick the turnaround and change begins when that happens!

Focusing on yourself is not selfish,
experiencing pleasure is not selfish,
they are both crucial for vibrant health!

Read More »

Money is the Root of All Evil …

Did you hear that when you were growing up? Perhaps you heard ….. ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’, ‘we can’t afford it’, ‘I don’t know how we’re going to pay these bills’, ‘you need money to make money’, ‘you have to work hard to earn

Read More »