This drug makes me angry

It is a glorious morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s Monday and I feel fine! We had a wonderful weekend with some old friends here to stay, we were out and about enjoying the wonderful Kiama Jazz and Blues Festival and then shopping in Berry on Sunday. It was so good to catch up, it has been awhile as life has a habit of getting in the way sometimes.

I have sat down and plotted when I have taken the prednisolone because I want to document what happens to me when I take it. I took it for 3 days last week because I was so fired up and I wanted to garden and what I have discovered is that it MAKES ME VERY ANGRY. When I am taking it I am like superwoman and when I come off it I am angry. Which would indicate that it affects my liver.

I feel much calmer this morning even though my right wrist is starting to ache and my neck and shoulders are sore.

I woke up at 4am on Friday morning, couldn’t sleep so I got up. I then woke up at 3am on Saturday morning couldn’t sleep and so I got up. Thank goodness that didn’t continue!

Had a restless night on Saturday night with lots of nightmares, the worst just before I woke up. There was snake/ serpent/ dragon which was very significant given the healing work I did later in the day.

Tuesday – and I’m still OK. My neck is sore and burning and the burning sensation is running up to my lower face, think my neck is out and hoping a session this afternoon will sort that out.

My friend bought me some bamboo wind chimes at the weekend and I have hung them in a tree outside my office. I love the sound of them as I sit here at the computer, very relaxing. Thank you Valda!

I am much calmer today and while I can feel my wrists I am still able to do all the tasks I need.

I am finding it very difficult to stick to this eating regime. It is quite severe and my body is having trouble with it so I have decided to pare it back a little and go slower rather than the gungho approach I had taken. My body doesn’t need to be punished. As a teacher of mine told me years ago “I am a kind and gentle teacher to myself”. I have spent my entire life beating my body up so now I need to love it, unconditionally.

Wednesday – my neck and shoulders feel much better after my treatment yesterday although the whole area is still sore. The sensations in my jaw have gone which is a huge relief. My right wrist is a little painful and my right pointer was painful during the night but OK when I woke. I had a much better sleep last night, the epsom salts baths really do seem to make a difference. I have been hearing about turmeric for different sources so after my initial reluctance have decide to start taking it gradually, I am a little nervous about my stomach. I’m still taking the apple cider vinegar before meals.

My head space feels good, the anger is gone, I am much calmer and my emotions are level today. This really feels like it’s just one day at a time. As I look back on the last month I can see the progress

I have made which makes me feel I’m on the right track and I have taken back the reins so that I can steer in the direction I want to go rather than the direction I was heading.

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“The fundamental problem that most patients face is the inability to love themselves.” Bernie Siegel MD

I remember reading his book Love, Medicine and Miracles back at the end of the ’80’s and it resonated so deeply with me, something shifted inside.

Women of my generation have been taught to be perfectionists

We were taught that we need to be all things to all people

We were taught that to do something for ourselves,

to think of ourself was selfish … the very worst sin you could commit it seemed

Then you had people screaming that women can have it all

You could have children, be a mother AND have a high powered job

You could do anything and everything a man could do

What happened as a result of those high expectations was a generation of women who exhausted their bodies and their spirits trying to pack in all that they thought they were supposed to do

Be the 1950’s housewife with the perfect home & perfectly behaved children
and at the same time compete with men in the corporate world.

What an unsustainable, insurmountable goal that was!

In order to attempt to juggle all those balls in the air women had to sublimate their own needs to the needs of others.

When that happens our emotions have to shout louder and louder in order to get out attention

and because there is no time or space to focus on ourselves, plus we’ve been taught that to do so is wrong
thoughts and emotions get pushed further and further down
and that’s when the physical symptoms begin

[I read that martyrs experience chronic resentment – that was so me when my children were younger!]

When you look at this very simplified explanation you can see the problems this created,

both in my generation and the generations to follow.

Each generation tries to rebalance the wrongs they felt the previous generation inflicted upon them

I see the same things manifesting in my clients,
each generation having their own set of issues
and most of them say they feel stuck.

At the crux of all of it is the need
to be seen and heard, to be validated and acknowledged

and how quick the turnaround and change begins when that happens!

Focusing on yourself is not selfish,
experiencing pleasure is not selfish,
they are both crucial for vibrant health!

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